I pick up the green bear I had waiting for me and rip its arms and legs off first before plopping the body in my mouth. I pop both tops off and swallow one of each by the time my desktop loads. I pause a moment to examine each one, the long un-pronounceable words, the sickly orange color. With a surgeon’s precision, I hit the power button on the desktop and retrieve two pharmacist’s bottles from my desk drawer. Cheerfully taking a red one out, I proceed to dig and find an orange, then yellow bear. I plop myself down in front of the computer monitor, and open the tin, revealing thousands of brightly colored gummy bears, nostalgic vestiges of a time past, when I was naïve and content.
I should start some laundry because I’m running out of pants. It’s not that I’m a dirty person, but I don’t regularly use my appliances anymore. I shrug and grab the large silver tin I keep on the countertop, perfectly clean compared to the rest of my kitchen wares. “Congratulations,” I think to myself, “you’ve wasted that many more hours of your fleeting existence, you worthless sack of flaming garbage.” The quiet room adds gravity to my thoughts, now my only company - a booming sound so loud, lovely that they begin to take form, warping my other senses. It must be after one o’clock, considering the amount of light flooding through my one window. I forage for my food, mostly, digging in old boxes and musty cabinets like a pig searching for truffles. Moaning, I take a decidedly labored breath as if to prove to the empty room how heartbroken I am that I’m no longer asleep, and then drag my barely-upright body to the small kitchenette which disgraces the south-eastern corner of my one-room apartment. The sun manages to rise every morning I simply can’t bring myself to do the same, anymore. Here I lay, spread-eagle on my bed, stained with menstrual blood and hummus, moving only my head to meet the light. The sun begins to peep through my closed blinds, making visible the overabundance of dust suspended like near-rotten fruit in a cheap jello salad, and finally meets my crusty eyes.
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